The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?"
"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum said.
"Will you use it to gamble?"
"I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?"
"Are you NUTS!? I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The bum was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad."
The man replied: "That's OK. I just want her to see what a man who's given up drinking, gambling and golf looks like."
For more funny jokes scroll below!
Joke: Mom and Dad's New Wife
When a husband's young new bride and his ex-wife are planning to wear the same dress on their wedding day, you know it's a recipe for disaster...
Joke: The Fortune Teller and the Bad News
A sneaky woman decides to visit a fortune teller when she's in New Orleans
Joke: Two Women Hit It Off In Arizona
A wise woman gets a lift from a younger woman while walking out in the Arizona desert. It isn't long before they get talking...
Joke: This Man Really Needed to Confess Something...
A woman is holding a candlelit vigil at her husband's bedside when he tells her that he has a confession to make...
Joke: A Thieving Old Lady Finds Herself Facing a Judge
An old lady finds herself in front of a judge after stealing a can of peaches. He immediately hands down a sentence for her wicked deed...
Who Knew That Coffee Could Cause Arguments? (Funny Joke)
A husband and wife are having an argument over who should brew the coffee. Little does the husband know that his wife already has the argument won...
Can You Watch This Entire Video Without Laughing?
From guilty dogs, to funny cat fails, monkeys, funny squirrels, horses and so on. Take a look at this hilarious compilation:
Meanwhile in Australia, Some Weird Things are Happening...
Australia is a fascinating and weird place.
You Must See These Hilarious Airport Pick-Up Signs
Some people go a little overboard with their airport greetings.
You'll Never Guess How THIS Video Ends...
This hilarious short film won countless awards and endless praise.
Kitchens Aren’t Supposed to Be Like This! Are They?!
Why would you design your kitchen like this?
These Are the Most Absurd DIY Projects We’ve Come Across
It’s nice to do DIY projects, but this is just ridiculous.
Not the Greatest Boy Scout - Hilarious!
A silly but hilarious prank the whole family will enjoy.
These Have to Be the Most Oddly Specific Signs Ever Made
Laugh out loud at these hilariously specific signs that will leave you wondering who exactly they were made for.
Classic Comedy: That's Not How You Use Glue, Mrs. Brown!
Mrs. Brown is one of the funniest characters to ever grace the television screen, and when she makes a sticky mistake, you won't stop laughing.
These Images of Pets Returning from the Vet Are Hilarious!
Here is a collection of funny images of pets that have just returned from the vet, and their expressions say it all!
17 Hilarious Quotes That Sum Up the Quirks of Traveling
Explore the world of humor through these funny travel quotes.
Nostalgic Comedy: Did Bert Forget Their Anniversary?
In this episode Molly thinks Bert forgot their anniversary.
This 'Man Song' is a Complete Hoot!
Watch the legendary Milton singing 'The Man Song' by Sean Morey in this hilarious video.
Add Some Humor to Your Day With These One-Frame Funnies!
Enjoy these funny and cute single panel comics by artist Maria Scrivan.
This Rude Prank Will Have You Screaming With Laughter!
When the a gag team sets up a secret love affair between a priest and a couple of nuns, the resulting chaos that ensues will make you scream with laughter!
These Funny Illustrations Show What Life Is Like With Kids!
Jim Benton is a cartoonist and illustrator who has managed to capture life with young kids perfectly. Take a look at his hilarious drawings.
These 15 Signs Are Beyond Funny!
Are you ready for your daily dose of laughs? We really hope you are, as this collection of 15 hilarious signs is beyond funny!
Hilarious: Some Translations are Too Funny to Correct!
When you're running a business in some far-off land, there's no excuse for not using Google Translate to make a sign. These disastrous results are hilarious!
This Hilarious Sign is Gaining Notoriety Around the World...
The Indian Hills Community Center sign in Colorado, USA, has gained a worldwide following thanks to the hilarious puns it displays. Here are 30 of them.
Hilarious: Cats are Some of the Funniest Creatures
Prepare for a foray into the delightful absurdity of living with cats.
Funny Today: Caught in the Hood!
This cop pulls people over and asks them to lift their hood. When he slams it shut, he screams because little Johnson got caught under the hood and is stuck!
Hilarious: Only in Dubai...
Dubai is a unique country, and offers some sights you'll probably never seen anywhere else in the world...
Should We Really “Beware” These Cute Doggies?
These signs ask us to “beware” of these dogs. But we think you will end up laughing at them.
Nothing Captures Life's Absurdities Better Than a Cartoon..
Life is a bit of a puzzle these days, yet these hilarious comics seem to put the pieces back together!
HILARIOUS: 15 Times People Failed the Only Job They Had
The most hilarious examples of hilarious work fails.
So Funny: Have You Ever Seen Christmas Trees Like THESE?
These are the most unusual Xmas trees you have ever seen!
Hilarious: This Vet Clinic Has Painfully Funny Signs!
Enjoy 21 hilarious signs brought to you by the most unexpected source - a vet clinic.
20 Weird Pictures of Things That Happen Only In India
Things are a little different in India...
These Amusing Animals Clearly Think They're People
If you thought our unique human traits set us apart from animals think again, because these pets clearly think they're human!
Funny: Is This the Youngest Thief in the World?
This prank is a real funny one. Imagine you see a little girl being taken away and treated like a real criminal, what would you think?
This Simon's Cat Collection is All You Need for Smile Today!
Created by Simon Tofield in 2008, Simon's Cat is on a constant mission to get fed. Enjoy this hilarious collection of 16 of his most famous escapades.
Who Knew These Famous Figures Were so Cheeky and Funny?
The wittiest, most devastating responses in history. Warning! These are guaranteed to make you laugh!
Classic Comedy: The Case of the Troublesome Sandwich
Among all the hundreds of hilarious Mr. Bean sketches, this is one of my all time favorites
HILARIOUS: 14 Silly Signs That'll Make Your Day
Need a laugh? Check out these hilariously weird signs that make no sense.
Why Men Should NOT Be Allowed in the Kitchen!
A perfect example of why some men are useless in the kitchen
19 Classical Art Memes Guaranteed to Leave You in Splits
People are turning classical art into hilarious memes, and we can’t stop laughing!
HILARIOUS: These Warning Signs are NOT Doing Their Job...
These warning signs are not doing their job well, are they?
Ready For Fun? Time for a Gag-Fest!
This gag collection is sure to put a smile on your face today. What's life without a bit of laughter?
Hilarious! These Kids REALLY Hate Shopping!
While loads of teenagers and adults simply love to shop till they drop, the same can't really be said for most kids, as these hilarious photos prove!
These Witty Responses to Public Notices are Hilarious
Check out this collection of 15 petty notices along with their extremely hilarious responses!