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Old Guys Make the Best Soldiers!

When one pensioner's military application gets rejected on the grounds of being too old, he gets really, really mad! He comes up with a million hilarious reasons why older guys make much better soldiers than younger ones. Read his story below, and try your best to contain your laughter!
 
I'm a pensioner and the armed forces think I'm too old to track down terrorists.
Funny: Pensioner's Army Application Gets Rejected
If you're over 42, then you can't join the military. They're got their whole system backwards!
Funny: Pensioner's Army Application Gets Rejected
Instead of sending 18-year-olds to war zones, they should take us old guys. They shouldn't let you join the military until you're at least 35!
Funny: Pensioner's Army Application Gets Rejected
18-year-olds have been proven to think about sex every 10 seconds, while pensioners only think about it once or twice a month.
Funny: Pensioner's Army Application Gets Rejected
This leaves us an extra 280,000 seconds per day to focus on the enemy.
Funny: Pensioner's Army Application Gets Rejected
Young soldiers don't have enough life experience to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a terrifying soldier! 'I'm tired and hungry, my back hurts, I can't sleep! Aaaargh!'
Funny: Pensioner's Army Application Gets Rejected
We're impatient and bad-tempered, so perhaps letting us kill some jerk who desperately deserves it will cheer us up and keep us quiet!
Funny: Pensioner's Army Application Gets Rejected
18-year-olds never usually get up before 10am. Old guys always wake up early to pee!
Funny: Pensioner's Army Application Gets Rejected
Besides, like I've already said, since I can't get to sleep, I may as well be off killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch!
Funny: Pensioner's Army Application Gets Rejected
If they capture us we'd never spill the beans, because we wouldn't remember where we put them. Name, rank, and serial number would be a huge brainteaser!
Funny: Pensioner's Army Application Gets Rejected
Old guys would ace boot camp! We're used to people yelling at us, and we're accustomed to eating soft food.
Funny: Pensioner's Army Application Gets Rejected
 
We also have a deep appreciation of firearms. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get away from all of the yelling!
Funny: Pensioner's Army Application Gets Rejected
They could lighten up on the obstacle course, though. I've been in combat, but I've never come across a 20-foot wall with ropes hanging over either side!
Funny: Pensioner's Army Application Gets Rejected
 
They can probably get rid of the running part as well. I've never seen anybody outrun a bullet!
Funny: Pensioner's Army Application Gets Rejected
18-year-olds have their whole lives ahead of them. They should still be learning how to shave, and how to talk to pretty girls.
Funny: Pensioner's Army Application Gets Rejected
They still haven't even figured out how to properly wear a baseball cap!
Funny: Pensioner's Army Application Gets Rejected
These are all good reasons why we should keep our kids at home. Let us old guys track terrorists down!
Funny: Pensioner's Army Application Gets Rejected
No enemy wants to see a couple million hacked off old farts, with automatic weapons and bad attitudes, who know that their best years are behind them!
Funny: Pensioner's Army Application Gets Rejected

And what about recruiting women in their 50s? In menopause!

Funny: Pensioner's Army Application Gets Rejected
You think only men can have a bad attitude? You ain't seen nothing yet!
Funny: Pensioner's Army Application Gets Rejected
If nothing else, they can be put on border control. It'll be secured by the end of the first night!
Funny: Pensioner's Army Application Gets Rejected

Source: acidcow

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