What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!
What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
What do you call a window that raps? 2PANEZ
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
Who earns a living driving their customers away? A taxi driver. What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? LMAYO
Did you hear about the angry pancake? He just flipped.
Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? Because he wanted to work over-time!
Did you know vampires aren’t real?
Unless you Count Dracula.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
Can I tell you a joke about paper. Nah, never mind, its tearable.
Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
How did the baby tell her mom that she had a wet diaper?
She sent her a pee-mail.
What do kids play when they can’t play with a phone?
Bored games.
What do you call a magician on a plane? A flying sorcerer!
When I was young there were only 25 letters in the Alphabet. Nobody new why.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
What runs but doesn't get anywhere? A refrigerator.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head!
How do you organize a space party? You planet!
Did you hear about the carrot detective? He got to the root of every case.
Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory? He couldn't concentrate!
What did the pink panther say when he stepped on the ant? A. deadant deadant deadant deadant.
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
Why did the God of Thunder need to stretch his muscles so much when he was a kid?
He was a little Thor.
Where does bad light go? PRISM!
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
There are too many ears.
Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef, but you cant pea soup!
What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickleback.
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Crispies!
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can't understand.
What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? Shadow.
What do you call a bee that lives in America? USB
What's the difference between a cat and a frog? A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!
What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer? The Space bar!
What the difference between you and a calendar? a calendar has dates.
What’s a snake’s strongest subject in school?
Hiss-tory.
What did the beach say to the tide when it came in?
Long time, no sea.
What do you call a pile of kittens a meowntain
What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
What do you call a three-footed aardvark? a yardvark!
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
What is considered the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has so many stories.
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
Why did the computer break up with the internet? There was no "Connection".
Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases? Their making headlines...
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!