If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?
The fly S.W.A.T. Team!
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
Did you hear about the paper boy? He blew away
What do you get if you a cross a card game with a typhoon? Bridge over troubled water.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
What game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
What scares a caterpillar?
A dog-erpillar!
What caused the airline to go bankrupt? Runway inflation.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky.
What kind of driver never get a parking ticket? A screw driver
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha
Where does bad light go? PRISM!
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
What kind of nut doesn’t like money?
Cash ew.
Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned!
How do you repair a broken tomato? Tomato Paste!
Why did the cake grow a daisy?
It was made with flower.
What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
What runs but can't walk? The faucet!
What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.
What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."
Q: What did the tooth say to the dentist as she was leaving?
A: Fill me in when you get back
What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup? Firecrackers!
What did the snowman ask the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
What do you call a baby monkey? A Chimp off the old block.
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.
What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry, I've got you covered!
What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
What kind of jokes do you make in the shower? Clean Jokes!
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
What did the earth say to all the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him? The police are calling it an axe-i-dent.
Q: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
A: I don't know, the dentist kept it.
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He was feeling really crumbie!
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather? An offer you can't understand.
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
What did one math book say to the other?
I’ve got so many problems.
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
Cowboy Boogie.
Why did the balloon burst? Because is saw a lolly pop.
Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up.
What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it? Post Office!
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
Did you hear about the injured vegetable? Some say he got beet.
What do you call a bee that lives in America? USB