What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
What do you call a baby monkey? A Chimp off the old block.
What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa? A Clausterphobic
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party? A party pooper.
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
Which month do soldiers hate most? The month of March!
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
How do you repair a broken tomato? Tomato Paste!
Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A Frisbee.
Did you hear about that new broom? It's sweeping the nation!
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
PRIME-mates.
"Mom look! I’m a 3D printer!"
"Ugh Tommy, close the door when you poop."
What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A Gummy Bear
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
A bunch of vampire hunters needed to talk
So they scheduled a stakeholders meeting.
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog! What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon? A sour puss!
Why did the daddy rabbit go to the barber?
He had a lot of little hares.
What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
What did one elevator say to the other elevator? I think I'm coming down with something!
What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? a Roman Catholic
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
What runs but can't walk? The faucet!
What's taken before you get it? Your picture.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
What the difference between you and a calendar? a calendar has dates.
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one!
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
What event do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.
What do you call a book that's about the brain? A mind reader.
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
How does a church congregation defend against an attack by Galactic Imperial Stormtroopers?
They use the pew, pew-pew pews.
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
Why was the robot mad? People kept pushing its buttons.
Who cleans the bottom of the ocean? A Mer-Maid
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
What’s a good name for a detective?
Mr. E
How do you organize a space party? You planet!
What four letters will frighten a burglar? O I C U Where does bad light go? To prism!
What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it? Post Office!