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Screw Jokes

Mosquito Puns
How many mosquito's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only 2, no idea how they got there.
I Want...
I Want... A drunk falls into a cab, gives the cabbie a $20 bill and bellows "I wanna get screwed." The cabbie dutifully drives him to the 'burbs and points out a town house. The drunk staggers up to the front door, bangs on it, and screams "I wanna get screwed!" A female voice answers, "Slip $100 under the door." The drunk pushes $100 under the door. Nothing happens. After a while the drunk bangs on the door again and screams "I wanna get screwed!" The female voice answers, "What? Again!?"
Jokes For Women
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to screw in the bulb and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
How many "friendzoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.
Frankenstein Puns
Why did Frankenstein’s monster go to a psychiatrist?
He thought he had a screw loose.
Volleyball Puns
How many middle-hitters do you need to screw in a light bulb? Only one, but the the setter has to put it perfectly in their hand first.
How many volleyball referees do you need to screw in a light bulb? None because they are always in the dark.
Gorilla Puns
Q. How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two, but it has to be a really BIG light bulb.
Did you hear about the gorilla with a screw loose?
He needed to use a money wrench to tighten it.
Prison Puns
How many prison guards does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just beat the room for being black.
Whale Puns
Why can’t you screw with whales?
because they hump back.
Clever Jokes
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A llama.
Fly Puns
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only 2. They'll fit.
Funny Parenting Quotes
“No matter how much time you spend reading books or following your intuition, you’re gonna screw it up. Fifty times. You can’t do parenting right.”

- Alan Arkin.
Nerdy Pick Up Lines
If I was a robot and you were one 2 if I lost a nut would you give me a screw.
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