"Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?"
Girl, have we both been rendered sightless? Because we ain’t seeing each other anymore.
What’s your sign? Mine is stop.
I really like you. So does my wife.
"Roses are red, violets are blue. We're breaking up beacause I never loved you."
Hey baby, remember how you said that you can’t live without me? Well, it’s time to get your affairs in order….
"Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you"
"Look, our relationship is like doing push ups on your knees. It's just not working out"
"This isn't easy and neither are you. I'm breaking up with you."
I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.
Hey girl, you must be a math book because you’re full of problems.
Roses are red
And you gotta go
Because I found out
That you is a ho.
Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.
Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke.
Girl you're looking like a snack and I'm going on a diet.
"The longer we are together, the less serious I am about you."
"It's not because I don't like you, it's because I hate you."
Boy: Want to hear a joke?
Girlfriend: Sure.
Boy: Our relationship.
Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?
Are you a parking ticket? Because you're evidence that I made a mistake.
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
"Hey babe, you heard of the movie 'Other people?'"
"Yeah, why?"
"I think we should see it."
"I'll always remember last night, but I think we can forget about tomorrow."
We should make like the Soviet Union and split up.
Let’s make like a banana and split.
Sorry sweety, but I think I'm in love with your mom.
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
"It's not you...it's your taste in music"
"Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?"
Hey baby, I think I'm going blind. Because I can't see you anymore.
Knock knock. Who's there? You're - You're who? - You're single!
This relationship is kinda like the Superbowl LIII halftime show; I can’t wait for it to be over.
The mothership has returned and I must leave.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be dead than continue seeing you!
"Maybe this is not the right time for us"
I think it would be hot if we f**ked other people. Exclusively.
Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?
Here, look at this blank piece of paper for a second… I wrote every reason why we should stick together on it.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
But I don't care
Cause I'm leaving you.
I'm not gay but I'll learn.
It’s a good thing we’re bad at puzzles because there is no way we’re putting this shit back together.
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
"Sorry I stopped contacting you. I had to go back to rehab."
Roses are red violets are blue sugar is sweet and so were you... but now the roses are wilted the violets are dead the sugar bowls empty and so is your head.
"We are like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself to fix it."
Hey baby, are you in a tunnel? Because we’re breaking up.
My d**k is committed to you, but my heart is not.
Hey, baby. I'm calling myself Han because you need to be Solo.
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Girl its been fun
But im leaving you