I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.