What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
I really hate straws.
They suck.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"