When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.