My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
A balding magician had an act where he'd put a rabbit on his head and make it disappear...
The hare vanished into thin hair.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
My wife bought me an expensive umbrella and she’s been holding it over my head ever since.
My wife threw a block of cheddar at my head
I said "Well that's mature."
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
What do you call it when a pillow hits its head?
A concushion.
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
What is a red heads favorite drink?
Ginger Ale.
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
I bring my knees to my head and lean forwards.
That's just how I roll.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
When I was young, my dad used to throw quarters at my head whenever I acted up.
He said, “Maybe this’ll knock some scents into you.”
Two meth heads start a relationship, is that considered speed dating
or just mething around?
A pile of books fall onto Sean Connery's head
He exclaims: "I only have my shelf to blame!"
I lost my memory after getting hit on the head by a boomerang.
It's all coming back to me now.
Midwife (handing me the baby): "Make sure you’re supporting his head."
Me: "That’s a great head you have there, Well done!"
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
Saw my dad outside with a tv antenna on his head
When I asked him why, he said he was trying to get more in tune with nature.
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me.