What type of films should players watch to improve their shot? Slap stick.
Why do referees always hurry to catch their next flight? Because it's "two
minutes 'fore boarding!"
If Messier retires he's sure to be moosed.
Where do Danish players aim with the puck? Top kroner.
Which local sportswriters are most effusive? Those who work in the praise
box!
Which Nordique great has recurring ligament problems? Peter Spaz-knee!
When the defender was put in the box for spearing Jaromir Jagr, he
complained "but it was only a poke-Czech!"
Which Habs great once worked as a janitor? Broom-Broom Geoffrion.
The Montreal baseball team relocated to Tampa after being purchased by the
Exposito bros.
Can linesmen enter the Hall of Fame? Yes, because they decide who's HOFside.
Where's the weak spot on a Scottish goalie? The fief hole.
Soviet goaltenders got their hair cut at Vladislav's Tress-shack.
Ed Belfour's new contract offer isn't high compared to other goal tenders.
Which Finn is like a hotdog on the ice? Teemu Salami.
The coddled superstar sat in the seats with the fans instead of on the bench
with the team; for this, ironically enough, he was accused of grandstanding!
Where do players hide their marijuana?
Between the stash marks.
Who's got a penchant for spearing? Pronger!
Which hulking left-winger could body-slam The Giant? Dave Andre-chuck.
What's the sweetest moment in a hockey game? When they're icing the puck.
If the wooden face mask was popularized by Jacques Plante, was the wooden
cup made popular by Jock Plank?
Which legend lived in a shack? Was it Eddy? No, Ma-hovel-ich!
In Quebec they used to practise throwing the puck in the zone, and then
sitting back to wait for a turnover. But eventually the players were
criticized for this dump-and-chaise tactic.
A certain Leafs right-winger was sued by the Louisiana government. He was
Owen N'awlins.
Even if injuries end it prematurely, Paul's had a good Kariya.
But would they be stoned by the goalie?
No, they'd smoke it right between the pipes!
Which superstar has a nose for the puck? Mario the Magsniffascent.
What trophy do you get if you never score any points? The Art Rouse.
Which LA King was the total package? Parcel Dionne.
Opposing coaches facing the Leafs in the 60s and 70s knew that Dave was the
one to Keon.
What did they give former Flyers left-winger Brian when he successfully
bulked up? Massive Propps.
Did Cyclops the X-man play hockey? Yes, he enjoyed lasing up the skates.
Would they get two minutes for tripping?
Not if they spliff the defence.
Where did the Flopper work in the offseason? At Dominik's Hat-Check.
Will the Red Wings be able to replace their venerable captain Steve? No, because
when it comes to hockey smarts there is no Yzer man.
Which rangy centre could cover the whole ice? Jean Umbrelliveau.
Would Gretzky have changed his name in order to play in Mexico?
Yes, The Great Juan did what it takes.
The refs kept calling interference, even though goalmouth incidents were in
de-crease.
After the Moroccan scored a Hat-trick, the players gathered for the fez-off.
In later years was the Great One in decline? Yes he was on the Wayne.
If there's a Tim Horton's chain, should there be a Lanny McDonald's? Or Doug
Harvey's? And what about Ron's Francise?
What trophy does a stay-at-home defencemen win? The Snorris!
Which trophy has the most glitz? The Lady Bling.
The ref keeps shafting us the offsides; I think he's blue lyin'.
Which front-office type is the most promiscuous? The general ménageur.
I could go on and on about Salming but I don't want to Borje.
Which HOF defenceman was nicknamed The Gravedigger? Denis Plotvin.