What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? Babe Root.
What do you get if you cross a baseball pitcher and a carpet?
A throw rug.
Why don't orphans make good baseball players?
Because they don't know where home is.
What do baseball players eat their backyard BBQ on?
Home plates.
Which classical Greek may have actually invented baseball?
Homer.
Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
What did the mathematician do at the baseball game?
Square root for the home team.
Baseball point to ponder: Why do we sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" at the ballpark, if we're already there?
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
Which Star Wars movie is a baseball player's least favorite?
The Umpire Strikes Back.
Why did the pirate captain want to hire a baseball player?
He knew he had a chest protector.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
Why did a baseball player decide to take a job at a used car lot during his off season?
He wanted to work on his sales pitch.
What do you get if cross a baseball player and a monster?
A double header.
Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?
The batter.
Why did the baseball batter go crazy?
Because the pitcher only threw scewballs.
Why are frogs great outfielders?
Because they never miss a fly.
What has 18 legs, spits a lot, and catches flies?
A baseball team.
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
A baseball walks into a bar. The bartender throws him out.
Why were there cows on the baseball field?
Because they were looking for the bullpen.
When is an MLB ballpark the hottest?
After all the fans have left.
Why don't baseball players join unions?
They don't like to be called out on strike.
Why was the mummy added to the game as a pinch hitter?
Because the manager knew he could wrap it up.
How do baseball players stay in contact with each other?
They touch base every once in a while.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
If somebody says "You pitch great for a southpaw," is that a left-handed compliment?
Which commandment do baseball players hate the most? Thou shall not steal.
Why do the ladies love baseball?
Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.
What's the best advice to give to a young baseball player?
If you don't suceed at first, try second base.
Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Oh, nevermind. It was over your head...
What do a great hitter and a boxer have in common?
Both are serious sluggers.
What did the mitt say to the baseball?
Hey baby, you're quite a catch.
Which cartoon character is the best at baseball?
Homer Simpson.
What do you call a winged insect that hits home runs?
A fly swatter.
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
Why did the baseball player decide to shut down his website?
It just wasn't getting any hits.
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.
What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns?
You're left in stitches.
What is the difference between a Yankees fan and a dentist?
One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots. OUCH.
A spectator at a baseball game wondered why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then, it hit him.
When the baseball team chose an owl masot, did they get a designated hooter?
Why was the baseball player so good at writing advertising jingles?
Because they're so catchy.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.
Why don't matches play baseball?
Because one strike, and they're out.
How are ladies' baseball teams and cupcakes alike?
Both are delicious and depend on a good batter.
Where do baseball players wash up?
In the bat tub.
Do baseball players ever wear armor?
Only during knight games.
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.