Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
What does a house wear?
Address.
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.