Have you ever seen a baby dragon eating ice cream?
It'll melt your heart.
I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
What is the little mermaid’s favorite font?
Arial.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
You mermake me happy.
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
"Whale, what do we have here?" said the mermaid.
The ocean doesn't like to say hello, it just waves.
When the little unicorn got bullied at school, he told his pop-corn so he could do something about it.
I'm investigating the tooth fairy, and it's going well...
I've managed to get a molar into her operation. I'm going to find out the tooth at the root of all this.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
Why do interns make the best Dungeons and Dragons players?
They do it for the Experience.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
The Little Mermaid shouldn’t be named Ariel
She should be named Nautical!
What do you call a fairy that doesn’t like to shower?
Stinkerbell.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
I have a bone to pixie with you.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Why do dwarves hunt dragons in the morning?
Because the early beard gets the wyrm.
Seas the day!
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
We were mermaid for each other.
Would you call a guy who’s eating corn while riding a unicycle a unicorn on the cob?
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
Why did the pre-pubescent dragon lose the rap battle?
He couldn't spit hot fire yet.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
Why won’t you ever find a unicorn in the army? Because they don’t like wearing uniforms.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Why would a judge make a good tooth fairy?
Because they want the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.
A fairy appears in front of an old man.
"For the good things you've done in your life, I grant you three wishes!"
The old man squints and asks: "Can you speak up a bit? My hearing isn't the best anymore..."
The fairy replies: "SURE! YOU HAVE TWO WISHES!"
What do you call a philosophical fairy?
Thinker-bell.
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
Would you call a hardy unicorn that survived disease an immunicorn?
Fishing you a happy day.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Why can't mermaids use the letters A or B?
They only know what's below C level.
What do you call a sarcastic mermaid?
A sigh-ren.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.