The instructions on this stick deodorant said "remove cap and push up bottom"...
I can hardly walk!
My mother always told me that the best place to mend clothing is in a wash basin
but I don't sink sew.
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
The plumber was working on the side to become an artist.
Unfortunately, he couldn't find a faucet for his creativity.
Why doesn't the tooth fairy like dental instruments?
She finds them obtooth.
Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
What do you call a distant shower sponge?
Aloofah.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
What do you call pig shampoo?
Hogwash.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
I used to hate my husband's cologne...
But then it started to rub off on me.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
I was washing the car with my son, until he said...
“Dad, please, can’t you just use a sponge?”
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
What do you call two beautiful cat that sit together in the basin?
Purrfectly in sink.
Said to my husband I'm going to take a hot tub. He said...
"When are you going to put it back?"
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
My dad was fixing the basin in the bathroom and accidentally broke some tiles.
My mother said, "I told you that method would be fewtile".
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
I could have sworn that my skin had changed color
But it was just a pigment of my imagination.
I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.