What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
Q: What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks?
A: Fowl weather.
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill.
So I sent him a “get well soon” card.
Why are flowers so good at problem-solving?
They know how to nip things in the bud.
What did the flower tell his son before a big game?
I’m rooting for you.
How about the most dangerous mountain in the world? Kill-a-man-jaro.
With the nice warm weather last weekend, a neighbor was enthusiastically diggin' in the dirt planting his garden!
He was so excited about it, he wet his plants.
A tree's limbs fell off in a storm, now it's an amputree.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
What do you call ten Arctic hares hopping backwards through the snow together?
A receding hare line.
Did you hear about the lawyer who tried to sue a shark for biting all his limbs off?
He didn’t have a leg to stand on.
What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
An ice burger extra cheese.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose? A collie-flower!
Why is it impossible to have a balanced conversation with a female mushroom? - Because shiitake too much!
What did the flower say when he saw his date?
I think you’re dandy, and I’m not lion!
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
It's really easy to learn white water kayaking
You just go with the flow.
What did the man say when his wife asked if he remember to get the coffee with icecream inside it?
“Sorry! Affogato!”
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano?
I really lava you!
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
Q: Why did the wind turbine blush?
A. It broke wind.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
The worst thing about living next door to a good gardener is that the grass is always greener on the other side.
Rock was magma before it was cool.
How do you wash clothes at the beach?
With Tide.
What do rocks eat?
Pom-a-granites.
During our journey through the savanna grasslands, we kept track of time with the help of an hour-grass.
My wife said the stretch marks on her legs looked like lightning bolts...
So I said, that's because you have thunder thighs.
What do you say to a flower after a breakup?
Get clover it.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
Most people have off on Independence Day. Except fire.
Fire-works on 4th of July.
Who carries out operations in a river? A sturgeon.
I see fewer and fewer rainbow tie-dye t-shirts these days. It's a dying art.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
What does a fish say when he makes a mistake?
It was just a fluke!
How can colors be used to predict the weather?
By their huemidity.
I was thinking of making an investment on a new farming venture that feeds marijuana to cows instead of grass.
The steaks will be too high for sure.
What do you call a human that's now a cactus?
A transplant.
My wife was watching me do some DIY and she said I hammer like lightning.
I never strike in the same place twice.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
Why does the river never get lost?
She always finds the right pathwave.
What sort of cakes do snowmen like?
The ones with thick icing!
What do you call a snowman that tells tall tales?
A snow-fake!
What did the ghost knights say to the cloud king?
Our souls will rain forever.
What do you say to a pensive flower?
A peony for your thoughts?
Never forget how beautiful the mountains are. You don't want to take them for granite.
Why didn't the mexican archer fire his bow?
Because he didn't habanero.
What did the carp say to his crush?
Don’t play koi with me!
What did the water in the fire truck say when it came to a sudden stop?
I'm baffled.