I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
New electric trains will run on conductors.
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.