What did the girl say before making a big decision?
‘Do not pressure me.’
What color are military submarines?
Deep navy
If you ride your bike twice a day, is that recycling?
Why did the bus driver quit his job? It was driving him mad.
What do they play at the beginning of a car movie?
The trailer.
A man is wanted for stealing tires off of cop cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
What do you call a guy who only rides children's bicycles?
A pedalphile
What do you call a big queue of trucks, making cheesy one-liners? A pick-up line.
I was selling my bike and an interested buyer asked what’s lowest I’d go.
"About 3 mph," I said, "otherwise I’d tip over."
What is a con artist's truck towed with?
A pickup line
Why was the bus driver so confused? He was 'bus-t' in traffic!
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
What is a car’s favourite job?
Caretaker.
Driving behind an ambulance, I watched a box fall off the back. I checked inside and there was a foot in it, so I decided to call a toe truck.
Why was the bus musician so excited? He just got a 'ride-ing' ovation!
If a police officer pulls a U-Haul truck over...
did he just bust a move?
Why did the bus driver stay out all night? He was 'driving' around town!
I'm gonna quit my job on a submarine
I'm under a lot of pressure
While I was riding my bike, there was a big tropical storm. I decided to cyclone.
What do you call a truck towing a smaller truck?
A mother trucker
How did cars protect themselves during the medieval age?
They would dig an M.O.T. around them.
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
How does a flower propel a bicycle?
It petals!
Why didn't the bicycle want to go anywhere?
It was two tired.
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!
What title did the car have in the Navy?
Rear window Admiral.
I knew a submarine sailor who wasn't very talkative or energetic
He was a subdued sub dude.
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
Passenger: One ticket to New York, please.
Bus Driver: By way of Buffalo?
Passenger: No, by bus!
What is a car’s favourite sport?
Soc-car.
I always like to keep a jar of peanut butter in the car when I travel on a busy freeway ...
just in case there’s a traffic jam.
did you hear the one about the sheep in car wreck?
it was baaad.
What did the bus say to the frog? Hop on.
Honda is oldest car make in the world. It was mentioned in the bible!
"And the apostles were all in Accord"
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck...
It was a camel tow
Why did the bus stop in the middle of the street? It saw a zebra crossing.
What happens when a frogs car breaks down?
It has to be toad away.
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
whoops wrong sub
A car carrying bank robbers and a truck carrying cement collided yesterday. Police are now searching for hardened criminals.
What do you call a perfect submarine?
Sub-optimal.
How do you know a car is a good price?
If it is a Ford-able.
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
A truck carrying ladders crashed on the road. The cargo has spilled over, but police are taking steps to clear the area.
We all have a submarine in our heads but we're not supposed to think about it. It's all sub-conscious.
Why did the bus driver laugh? He was having a 'wheely' good time!