Which hard drive is always the happiest?
Disk C:
Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
What's one of the worst things you could come across while surfing the web?
Your keyboard.
Computers cannot make good boxers because their bark is worse than their byte.
Just received Areal Flood Advisory notification on my phone
I should hope it's a real one, the fake ones are just annoying.
What do you call a program that uses every possible combination to crack a password?
A battering R.A.M.
I came into the office early and switched as many M and N keys on keyboards as I could. Some might say I'm a monster...
But others will say nomster
Why can't you use beef stew as a password?
Because it's not stroganoff.
Why didn't the cell phone wear his glasses? He lost his contacts.
Q. What did the computer say to the cookie?
A. "Can I have your chocolate chip?"
The shark and the computer are so alike. They both have and use their megabytes.
Are you WiFi?
Because I can feel the connection between us.
When my father complained to my mother for never picking or dropping me at school, she looked at him and said, "You are the master of drag and drop, my love". He's an IT specialist...
What do cell phones order at dinner?
Apps.
If a cat broke your computer...
Would it be that an error has o-purred ?
What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?
A gap in coverage.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
Where do phones like to travel?
To the Great Call of China!
I left my job at the keyboard factory today. To be honest, I had been looking for an Escape for a while.
What is a computer's favorite animal?
A RAM.
Why can't an IT guy keep a girlfriend?
He turns them all off and on again.
Used to never be able to use the WiFi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.
Now I have a stable connection.
I heard that starting next year, keyboards will no longer be sold with italics...
But it was a bold-faced lie.
What did the eyewitness tell the cops after a computer robbed a bank?
It went data way!
Just can't get away from my broken keyboard. There's no escape.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
What happens when you cross a cell phone with a skunk?
You get stinky service!
My brother, who is an IT guy, got surgery done on his fingers. Now he can truly be called a tech-knuckle support guy.
I know when I store files, my computer gets hungry. It starts telling me about the bytes I use and how many are remaining for him to fill up completely.
What did the baby computer call its father?
Data.
Dear keyboard manufacturers, I'm writing to request a redesign so that g and t wouldn't be right next to each other. Retards
I took all the punctuation marks off of the judge's keyboard.
I expect a long sentence.
How big is a clown's hard drive?
50 GiggleBytes
The computer wanted to get out of the house, so it used the Windows.
Did you hear about the new Wifi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
I visited a coffee shop where the Wifi password was wedonthavewifi.
It was a very frustrating conversation with the cashier.
Recently I was at a store walking down the flash drives and hard drives section.
I have to say, it was quite a walk down the memory lane.
What's the tastiest part of a floppy disk?
The cookie!
Where are dead computer hackers buried?
In decrypt.
Why do computers wear glasses?
To improve their web-sight.
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
Why did the computer come with airbags?
In case it crashed.
Two days ago, I named my Wifi to "Hack it if you can".
Yesterday it was changed to "Challenge accepted".
Why is it so hard to contact a pirate? He leaves his phone off the hooks.
I was conned into believing that my hotel room in Moscow had free Wifi.
I remember the ad saying: Internyet.
Does your computer constantly and annoyingly have tons of updates to install?
Of course it does. Software needs to get better over a number of years and you can't rush the progress.
Chrome wasn't built in a day.
What do you call a fake Nokia? A phone-y of course.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
I left my phone under my pillow last night and woke up to coins underneath it. It must have been the Blue-tooth fairy.
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.