What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
Nothing really mattress.
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected