Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
Did you hear the little loaves playing hide-and-seek earlier? They kept yelling, “Bready or not, here I come!”
An inspirational speaker came to speak at the fruit stand today. He told us to peach for the stars.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What do you call an avocado after a priest blesses it?
Holy guacamole.
I allow myself only one donut per year.
This morning I had 433 B.C., 1731, and 1952.
How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
By the blanc look on her face.
The plural of mango should be changed to mengo
What’s the best view you can get in our galaxy? A view of the milky way from mars.
Why was the salad late to the dinner party?
He was waiting for his wife to get dressing.
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
what does a female corn do when she likes a male corn?
she corn-fesses.
Even though Jake was a heartthrob Casanova, he just had to break up with his long-time watermelon vending girlfriend; said she was always melondramatic about everything.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
It’s too bad that bread puns are always so crumby. Mmm . . . crumbs.
What do fruits look for at a talent show? A berry that can really cherry a tune.
Why was the orange feeling sad?
It lost its zest for life.
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
What is a ghosts favorite soup? Scream of Broccoli.
What did the pizza say to the delivery guy?
“You don’t pepper-own me.”
…and what did the delivery guy say in reply?
“Hey now, don’t get saucy.”
What do people with ambition drink? Loft-Tea.
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.
They take their seat and ask the bartender for two draft beers.
The bartender looks at them and says “sorry guys, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
Soup is only musical when it is piping hot.
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
Mum, you are my soup-er star.
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
Why do the French eat snails? They dislike fast food.
What do oranges have after a hard work out? Juice!
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
What kind of candy makes fun of you? Tootsie Trolls.
I seem to have run out of tea...
What a catastrotea.
When should you take a cookie to the doctor? When it feels crummy. What do the cookie and the computer have in common? They both have chips.
Why did the principal bring Clam Chowder to school? For the Soup-erintendent.
A strawberry's favorite place to visit is Jam-aica.
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
What do you call a single, solitary kernel of corn?
A unicorn!
What do you tell a cheese going through a hard time?
Ricotta get through this.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
What does a pizza say when it wants to cuddle?
Fold me close.
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.