What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.