Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens