Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
I hope for world peas.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
I yam what I yam.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
Keep calm and carrot on.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
Time to celery-brate.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
Everybody romaine calm.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
This foundation is rock salad.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
I think therefore I yam.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.