My dad enjoys writing jokes and storing them on my phone. He calls it his Dad-a-base.
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
4G, or not 4G, that is the question.
How did Sam win the talent show? Sam-sung.
My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
What is a phone's favorite TV show? Game of Phones.
What do you call a fake Nokia? A phone-y of course.
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
What happens when you cross an iron with a telephone? You get a smooth signal.
What brand of hand soap do telephone operators use? Dial.
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
How does a pirate communicate? With his aye phone.
A friend of mine has a mobile phone shaped like an Italian dumpling. It's a gnocchia.
I named my phone "The Titanic" because it's always syncing.
The umpire kept answering his phone during the softball game.
He said he didn't want to miss any calls.
Why is it so hard to contact a pirate? He leaves his phone off the hooks.
Cell phones are a static symbol.
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
Why don't birds make cell phone calls? They might accidentally wing the wrong number.
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer".
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
Wel'l Wel'l Wel'l - if it isn't autocorrect.
What do cell phones order at dinner?
Apps.
Since getting sober, I decided to go with the cheapest cell phone provider I can find!
Way fewer bars!!!
What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills?
The Romans.
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.
My husband asked me to sync his phone. So I threw it in the sea - not sure why he is upset.
Why don't skeletons have a mobile? They don't have any body to talk to.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
I left my phone under my pillow last night and woke up to coins underneath it. It must have been the Blue-tooth fairy.
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
What do you call a loud conversation? A megaphone.
While I was driving, I saw another person driving while talking on his cell phone.
I got so mad, I threw my beer at him.
How come the mummy doesn't want a telephone? Because he always gets too wrapped up on his calls.
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
What did the phone say to begin the race?
On your marks, handset, go!
Why does Mr. Potato need a cell phone? Incase Mr. Onion Rings.
Just received Areal Flood Advisory notification on my phone
I should hope it's a real one, the fake ones are just annoying.
I phoned OK magazine the other day. They answered and said "Hello?", so I said "Sorry, wrong number," and hung up.
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
What is an unlimited phone plan? A limit cannot be charged.
How come an owl turns his cell phone off at night? So he doesn't get any hooty calls.
What is a tiny cell phone called? A microphone.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
Why did the telecommuter lose his job? He had to many hang ups.
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates!