Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.