Did I tell you about my new girlfriend who also plays football?
Yeah.. she‘s a keeper
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
Prepare to be bowled over.
What did the foot say to the football?
I toed you.
All punts are highly intended
I made a snap decision to watch football today
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.
What do you call a giant that's good at football?
Goaliath.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
The calm before the score
Football is one habit I will never kick.
If an Octopus were to play football, how many tackles per game would an Octopus have?
Tentacles
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
Why couldn't the skeleton play football?
He didn't have the guts.
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
The huddle is real
Why is a Tornado the best type of football player?
Because it always gets touchdowns.
You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game.
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
Having a ball this weekend with my best friends
I feel tail great!
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
Give me some pigskin
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
Join us for plenty of play action.
Beauty is only pig skin deep
Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?
The idea had its pros and cons.
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
I had a really good fantasy football team.
Then, My Luck ran out.
Don’t pass on this party – rush on over.
We’re calling your number.
Don’t drop the ball – without you, the party will be incomplete.
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
What’s a Movers favorite football team?
The Packers!
The football won’t be the only thing spiked at this party.
Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!
Here’s the game plan: [party details]
With salsa, cheese dip, and guac, our bowl game is hot.
Jokes are a lot like American football.
If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
Calm before the score
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
Hope you’re wide open on [date].
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.