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Father Jokes

Jokes that have a father in them.

Dad Jokes
A proud new Dad sits down with his own father for a celebratory drink.
His father says, "Son, now you've got a child of your own, I think it's time you had this."
And with that, he pulls out a book called, "1001 Dad Jokes".
The new Dad says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.
His father says, "Hi Honored, I'm Dad."
Turkey Puns
What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? "If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!"
Spice Puns
What did baby clock ask mama clock? Where's father Thyme.
Dad Puns
I don't have a "Dad Bod"
I have a father figure.
Goat Puns
What did the baby goat say to his father?
I kid you not.
Thanksgiving Jokes
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?

If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
Water Puns
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
The changing sea son.
Christmas Puns
“Did you know that Father Christmas has a daughter? Her name is Mary Christmas.”
Hand Puns
What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
Clever Jokes
Who is this Rorschach dude and why does he paint so many paintings of my father beating me?
Squirrel Puns
What did the squirrel say when his tail got caught in the door?
...It won’t be long now!

What did the father squirrel tell his son?
Acorny joke.
One Liners for Kids
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
What did the father say whilst teaching his kid to tie his shoelaces?
Knot bad
Father Puns
Forgive me father, pastor, vicar, padre, priest...
For I have synonymed.
Colonoscopy Short Jokes
My father had a colonoscopy.
Turns out he had colon cancer so he had to have surgery to remove the tumor. Now he has a semi-colon.
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