What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson