It’s so cold Levi Strauss started making electric jeans.
It's so cold that you might have to chop up the piano for firewood (although you’ll only get two chords).
It’s so cold every kind of cereal in the cupboard is frosted – including the boxes!
It’s so cold my mail shattered when I tried to open it.
It's so cold that our words froze in midair — we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we could hear what we were talking about.
It’s so cold cops are tasering themselves.
It’s so cold walruses were visiting the hardware store in search of more insulation.
It’s so cold that even the snowmen are wearing sweaters!
It’s so cold I saw a gangsta with his pants pulled up.
It's so cold that polar bears wear jackets.
It’s so cold the aquarium didn’t need to use glass. On the downside, the fish were motionless.
It’s so cold that Grandpa’s teeth are chattering – in the glass!
It’s so cold a glacier was seen heading slowly down the main street of our town.
It’s so cold it’s colder than any room packed with ex-wives.
It's so cold that you have to open the fridge to heat the house.
It’s so cold the rats in the alley were bribing the cats for a snuggle.
It’s so cold that when I needed an anesthetic, the dentist told me to stick my head out the hospital window.
It was so cold firemen couldn’t get the people out of the burning building because it was warm.
It's so cold that people started chipping their teeth on soup!
It’s so cold dogs are wearing cats.
It’s so cold I swapped my pillow for a grill.
It’s so cold teenagers began to worry about getting goosebumps rather than acne.
It’s so cold we were afraid to spit because it can ricochet.
It’s so cold pickpockets are sticking their hands in strangers’ pockets just to keep them warm.
It’s so cold we had to salt the hallway.
It’s so cold we have to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our clothes!
It was so cold that I saw a Greyhound bus and the dog was riding on the inside.
It's so cold that Starbucks started serving coffee on a stick.
It’s so cold refrigerators are redundant.
It’s so cold that when I dialed the emergency number, there was a recording that said to call back in spring.
It’s so cold you could rob me with a bucket of water right now!!
It’s so cold the flames of our fire froze.
It’s so cold the local graveyard put heaters out for the ghosts.
It's so cold that people look forward to getting a fever.
It’s so cold my hat wrapped itself in a scarf.
It’s so cold pet stores sell hamsters, gerbils, and penguins.
It’s so cold that Jack Frost changed his name to Jack Froze.
It’s so cold that I’m breathing out snowflakes!
It's so cold that when cows are milked, ice cream comes out.
It’s so cold washroom attendants have started putting salt boxes next to the toilets.
It's so cold that lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.
It’s so cold we had to punch a hole in the air just to get outside.
It’s so cold I left Starbuck with mocha lattes and by the time I got to the car I had fudgicles.
It’s so cold kids are using a new excuse to stay up late: “But Mom, my pajamas haven’t thawed out yet!”
It’s so cold that when we baked the frozen pizza in the oven for 25 minutes, it was still frozen.
It’s so cold sheep were demanding their wool back.
It’s so cold mum used a saw to serve us milk.
It’s so cold I saw an Amish guy buying an electric blanket.
It was so cold that we pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside to keep warm.
It’s so cold I saw Superman taking a taxi.