Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?
"you, you and you, get out."
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity... he got it back.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris’ tears can cure you of the coronavirus.
Too bad he doesn’t cry.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.