It’s so hot the cows are producing evaporated milk.
It’s so hot the Statue of Liberty was asked to lower her arm.
It’s so hot that farmers are feeding ice to the chickens so they won’t lay boiled eggs.
It’s so hot the frozen pizza I bought at the grocery store was ready to eat by the time I got home.
It’s so hot I started putting ice cubes in my waterbed.
It’s so hot you need a spatula to remove your clothing.
It’s so hot I saw a cop chasing a thief and they were both walking.
It’s so hot that my kite crashed and burned.
It’s so hot the best parking place is determined by the shade instead of the distance.
It’s so hot you can pull a leaf off a tree and iron with it.
It’s so hot that my chocolate milk is now hot cocoa.
It’s so hot I saw a chicken lay an omelet.
It's so hot that you can fry an egg on the sidewalk!
It’s so hot even the artificial flowers are dying.
It’s so hot that I have taken to leaving the toilet seat up just to get those chilling, icy stares from my wife.
It’s so hot that I’m using Celsius instead of Fahrenheit just to have a lower number.
It’s so hot you can wash and dry your clothes at the same time.
It’s so hot granny broke wind just to have a little breeze.
It’s so hot everyone is wearing sweat pants.
It’s so hot Adam and Eve traded their fig leaves for ice cubes.
It’s so hot the catfish are already fried when you catch them.
It’s so hot that corn on the stalks starts popping.
It’s so hot chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
It’s so hot polar bears are wearing sunscreen.
It’s so hot that Tabasco sauce tastes mild.
It’s so hot I saw a squirrel picking up nuts with potholders.
It’s so hot fire ants are really on fire.
It’s so hot even my wife’s heart is melting.
It’s so hot that the oven got jealous.
It’s so hot I wish had got the cloth seats instead of the leather ones.
It’s so hot my dream house is an igloo.
It’s so hot I almost called my ex so I could be around something shady.
It's so hot that all the water buffalo at the zoo evaporated.
It’s so hot the birds are using oven mitts to pull worms out of the ground.
It’s so hot I saw the Devil in Wal-Mart buying an air conditioner.
It’s so hot I’m sweating like a politician on election day.
It’s so hot your clothes iron themselves.
It’s so hot I got condensation on my backside from the water in the toilet bowl.
It’s so hot firecrackers light themselves.
It’s so hot Optimus Prime transformed into an air conditioner.
It’s so hot I saw two hydrants fight over a dog.
It’s so hot ice pops are melting in the freezer.
It’s so hot, when the temperature drops below 95 I start to feel chilly.
It's so hot that I went to hell just to cool off.
It’s so hot Jehovah’s Witnesses started telemarketing.
It's so hot, I saw a guy with a sign that said, "Will work for shade."
It’s so hot that I renamed my pig “Bacon.”
It’s so hot I discovered my seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
It’s so hot that my sprinkler released steam.
It’s so hot all the sand on the beach is now glass.