How do you cut an ocean in half?
With a seasaw!
Where does a killer whale go for braces?
The orca-dontist.
Why do freshwater fish cry so much?
They’re just a stream of emotions.
What’s a cetacean’s favorite TV show?
Whale of Fortune.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep? Matt. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob.
A red ship and a blue ship collided in the ocean.
Apparently the survivors are marooned.
What does a mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra, naturally.
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section.
What is a blue whale’s favourite James Bond Film?
Licence to Krill.
Did you hear about the red ship that collided with the blue ship?
All the sailors were marooned.
What do baleen whales call a hook-up?
Netflix and krill.
Are you addicted to the ocean and ocean life?
If you are, sea kelp
I went fishing in the ocean the other day and caught one fish
but I think it was just a fluke.
Do you know what would happen when you throw a Finnish sailor into the ocean?
Helsinki.
How did the shark plead in the murder case?
Not gill-ty.
Why did the fisherman suddenly redirect his boat?
Just for the halibut.
Did you hear about the lawyer who tried to sue a shark for biting all his limbs off?
He didn’t have a leg to stand on.
What did the Ocean say to the shore?
Nothing. It just waved.
I was going to tell a joke about the natural disaster in the Indian Ocean
But it was too Tsunami.
Why didn’t the two algae ever have se*?
Because they had a planktonic relationship
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!
What did the carp say to his crush?
Don’t play koi with me!
I wanted make a joke about the ocean, but it's too deep
Why is the ocean so salty?
Because the land never waves back.
Why is the ocean always blue?
Because the shore never waves back.
What did the tuna say to her overzealous partner?
I think we need to scale things back here.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
Why Did the Whale Cross the Ocean?
To get to the other tide.
I can't believe I can't see the bottom of the ocean.
It's unfathomable.
What did the wise papa fish tell his son?
Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
Have you heard about the restaurant that caters exclusively to dolphins?
It only has one customer, but at least it serves a porpoise.
What do you call a big fish that makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
The Codfather.
Why are seabirds so lucky in love?
Because one good tern always deserves another.
I had a dream the ocean was filled with orange soda
It was a Fanta sea.
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
What did the lobsterman say when his crate turned up empty?
It a-piers we have a problem.
What does the fish say when she disagrees with her husband?
I don’t quite sea it that way.
What drug is illegal in the ocean
Sea weed
How do you split the ocean in half?
With a sea-saw.
Why does the ocean roar?
You would too if you had crabs on your bottom.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
Why are there fish at the bottom of the sea?
Because they dropped out of school.
Why don’t clams give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish!
What did the sarcastic otter say?
I think you’ve confused me with someone who builds a dam.
What did one tidepool say to the other tidepool?
Show me your mussels!
What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?
Can you please be more Pacific?
My dad hates the ocean, but the other day he bought a boat.
He never could resist a good sail.
What do you call two bandits in a race on the ocean.
Piracy.
Australia announced that they have begun dumping sewage into the ocean
It’s now classified as an in-continent.