Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.