"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."
- Marilyn Monroe
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.”
- Mark Twain.
“Animals may be our friends, but they won’t pick you up at the airport."
- Bobcat Goldthwait
“As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.”—Jean Ferris
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
Ben Williams
“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”—John Grogan
“Beaver do better work than the Corps of Engineers.”
- Mike Todd.
"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen."
- John Steinbeck.
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”
- Ambrose Bierce.
“All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”
- Samuel Butler..
“Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.”
- Moby.
“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.”—Rodney Dangerfield
“The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.”
- Valeriu Butulescu.
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
Groucho Marx
“In LA we get coyotes in our garbage cans. Coyotes are just like my relatives. They go out in pairs, they whine at night, and they go anywhere there’s food."
- Billy Crystal
“A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”—Helen Thomson
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
- Groucho Marx.
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”
- Sue Murphy.
“If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman’s pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.”
George Bernard Shaw
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
“Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.”
- Max Eastman.
“There’s no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.”
- Wesley Bates.
“Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.”
- Colette.
“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree." - Steven Alexander Wright
“Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”
- Adam Smith.
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
Sigmund Freud
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain
“Some of our greatest historical and artistic treasures we place with curators in museums; others we take for walks.”—Roger Caras
“You can always tell about somebody by the way they put their hands on an animal.”
- Betty White.
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”
- Phil Pastoret.
“You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.
- Jerry Seinfeld"
"The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk."
- Ogden Nash
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“After scolding one’s cat one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word. And has filed it for reference.”
- Charlotte Gray.
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
- Charles De Gaulle.
“To my mind, the only possible pet is a cow. Cows love you… They will listen to your problems and never ask a thing in return. They will be your friends forever. And when you get tired of them, you can kill and eat them. Perfect.”
Bill Bryson
“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” —Jeff Valdez
“My relationships with my cats have saved me from a deadly, pervasive ignorance.”
- William S. Burroughs.
“You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’”—Dave Barry
“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.”
- Mary Bly.
“If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans. Sorry, giraffe, but I gotta do what's best for me."
- Amber Tozer
“I’ve never met an animal I didn’t like, and I can’t say the same thing about people.”
- Doris Day.
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
- Ann Landers.
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
- Andy Rooney.
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain