"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.”—Sam Levenson
“To a small child, the perfect grandad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo”.—Robert Breault
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield
“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.”
- Robert Brault.
“My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.”
- Penelope Lombard.
“Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.”—Pam Brown
“It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”—Betty White
“Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.”
- Jerry Seinfeld
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
“Parents must get across the idea that “I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.”—Amy Vanderbilt
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
“My friends and family always thought I was pretty funny, but I don’t know if they thought I was get-my-own-show funny.”
- Nick Kroll
“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”—George Carlin
“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?”
- Robert Brault.
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
“Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically mother stating the truth and daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.”—Barbara Delinsky
“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”
- Anna Quindlen
"In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry.'" - Margaret Laurence
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
- Erma Bombeck
"If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion." - Ashleigh Brilliant
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." - George Bernard Shaw
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”
- Gracie Allen
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
“What strange creatures brothers are!”—Jane Austen
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.”
- Marcelina Hardy
“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage