There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.