Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
How do pigs greet their family and friends?
With hogs and kisses.
What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
Why was the pig a pathological liar? It’s a porcine-ality disorder.
What do you get when you cross a pig and superman?
The Man of Squeal.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
What do you call a pig that does a lot of charity work?
Philanthropig
What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?
Pork rinds.
What do the lady pigs say when someone leaves the toilet seat up? “Hoof-orgot to put the seat down?"
What did Papa Pig shout at his kids in the car?
“Stop swining! We’re nearly there.”
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree at me. It was a hambush.
What happens when you play tug-of-war with a pug?
Pulled pork!
Did you hear about the pig that ran the Post Office?
He was the first Porkmaster General.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
Why did it take the teen pig so long to get ready for school in the morning?
She was very piggy when it comes to choosing what to wear!
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
How do pigs write top secret messages?
With invisible oink!
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him? Filthy rich.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
What kind of work do pigs do after school?
Hamwork.
What do pig’s use as soap? Hogwash.
Why was the pig crying? Because he was boar-ed to tears.
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
When pigs live high on the hog, they run the risk of going into hock.
What did the pig exclaim when the wolf grabbed its tail?
“That’s the end of me!”
How does a 20-something pig hit on someone?
They invite them over to Netflix and swill.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table? She was hogging the food.
What do you call a cold, angry pig? A ham-brr-grr.
What does a mommy pig say to her piglets at the end of the day? Time to pig up your toys.
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.
When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What did the little piglet want from the swine?
A piggyback ride home.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing?
“I’m not a people porcine.”
Q. What do swine use to chat up a date?
A. Pig-Up Lines!
What did the pig say to his friend who had been cheated upon?
Please don't go bacon this relationship.
Why should you never rob a bank with a pig?
They always squeal.
According to pig etiquette, piglets are meant to be porcine and not heard.
What do you call an imaginary pig? A pig-ment of your imagination.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”.
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
Why did the pig go to the casino?
To play the slop machine!
What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A porky-pine.