My fridge is hotter than you.
Are you a fire detector?
Because you're loud and annoying.
Are you the sun?
Because you should stay 93 million miles away from me.
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Because it looks like you landed on your face.
Are you bad WiFi?
Because I'm feeling no connection here.
Are you from Tennessee?
Because you look inbred.
Do you have a library card?
So you can check me out?
No, because my cat just died and I need to find a book about cat funerals.
Hey girl, are you a broom?
Why, because I swept you off your feet?
No, because you're really hairy.
Your name must be Calculus Homework, because I have no interest in doing you.
Can I check the tag on your clothes?
Why, because I'm made in heaven?
No, because your sweating profusely through your armpits and I want to avoid purchasing this fabric in the future.
Your name must be trigonometry, because you make me want to cry.
Camel called.
He wants his toe back.
Girl, I know your wearing Nike, but I just won't do it.
If you were a math test, I would cheat on you.
If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d move U.
Because you’re blocking the TV.
Are you a fortune cookie?
Because you're always wrong.
Do you know Santa?
Because you're not what I wanted for Christmas.
Do you have a mirror in your pocket?
Why, because you can see yourself in my pants?
No, because I wanted to check how I look before I hit on your hot friend.
There's something gorgeous about your eyes...
Oh, that's it! It's my reflection.
Are you a red light because stop.
Are you a computer technician?
Because you turn my hardware into software.
From the moment I saw you, I knew I would be spending the rest of my life trying to avoid you.
Do you like wine?
Because that's all your doing.
You're like Newton's laws.
Not perfect, but good enough.
Are you a banker?
Because you need to leave me a loan.
I'd like to get you wet. At least long enough to get you back to the ocean.
I can tell what a woman drinks just by looking at her, and for you it's a diet coke.
You must sprinkle extra sugar in your cereal in the morning...
Why, because I'm so sweet?
No, because you're really fat.
Are you a lumberjack?
Why, because I give you wood?
No, because you have masculine forearms and you're wearing Wranglers jeans.
What's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?
Ask me if I'm a tree.
Are you a tree?
No.
Are you a cigarette?
Because when I'm done with your butt I'm gonna throw it away.
I have to say “Hi” to the prettiest girl in the room… can you help me say “Hi” to that girl over there?
Except the direction I'm walking in.
Did the Lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?
Are there people following you?
Because I'm seeing someone behind your back.
Has a guy ever walked up to you just to tell you how beautiful you are?
They must have been much drunker than I am.
Roses are red
Violets are cheaper
If I leave silent voicemails
Please don’t call me a creeper.
When I see your face there's not a thing that I would change...
Do you want to dance?
Yeah, sure.
Great, then I can sit there.
Would you sleep with me for $100? I could really use the money.
If I could rearrange the alphabet...
I'd leave it the way it is.
How much does a Polar Bear weigh?
I don't know.
About ten pounds less than you, fat-ass.
So how many cats do you have?
Did you just fart?
Why, because I blew you away?
No, because you smell like sh*t.
Excuse me, do you have a pen?
Then you'd better get back to it before the farmer notices you're gone.
Woah! You look like I need a drink.