"Love is being stupid together." - Paul Valery
"Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back. Now who's asking the questions?" — Jack Handy
"I love you with all my belly. I would say my heart, but my belly is bigger." - Unknown
"Love is sharing your popcorn."
- Charles Schultz.
"I wasn’t kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth." — Chico Marx
"When a man of forty falls in love with a woman of twenty, it isn’t her youth he is seeking but his own." — Lenore Coffee
"Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke." - Lynda Barry
"People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy."
- Bob Hope
"I went home with this French guy ’cause he said something adorable, like, ‘I have an apartment.’" — Amy Schumer
"There is nothing better for the spirit or the body than a love affair. It elevates the thoughts and flattens the stomach." — Barbara Hower
"When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life."
- Richard Lewis
"I went out with a guy once who told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, 'I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.'"
- Chelsea Handler
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship." ― Sharon Stone
"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell."
- Joan Crawford
"True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen." — Francois de la Rochefoucauld
“A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.” - Jane Austen, 'Pride and Prejudice'
"Between lovers, a little confession is a dangerous thing." — Helen Rowland
"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love." — Albert Einstein
"There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments." - Chris Rock
"If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools."
- Katherine Mansfield
"My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me." Garry Shandling
"Women love a self-confident bald man."
- Larry David.
I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop
"Between men and women, there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship."
- Oscar Wilde
"I love you in a way that's nauseating to others."
- Unknown
"True love is singing karaoke 'Under Pressure' and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part." Mindy Kaling
"I miss crawling into a man’s arm, kissing his neck, saying those three little words into his ear, 'And another thing ...'” — Felicia Michaels
"I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?" Jean Illsley Clarke
"What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds."
- Cindy Garner.
"If you can stay in love for more than two years, you're on something." — Fran Lebowitz
"Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing."
- Natasha Leggero
"Oh, here's an idea: Let's make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine's Day. That's not weird at all." - Jimmy Fallon
“Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women; a little bit of support and a little bit of freedom.” - Jerry Seinfeld
"Romantic love is a mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one." – Fran Lebowitz
"People should fall in love with their eyes closed."
- Andy Warhol
"I love love, and I’m very hopeful and was raised on all the fairy tales everyone else had. I just noted that everyone’s mom was dead and real princesses get beheaded, so I just have a more realistic take on it."
- Amy Schumer
“It’s the 21st century. I don’t need an alpha male to protect me. I don’t need a big, strong man to fight off a tiger. I need a geek who can get my naked photos off the cloud.” — Whitney Cummings
"Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache."
- Mae West
"Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it." — Phyllis Schlafly
"My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes." — Emo Philips
"Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one." — Benjamin Franklin
"He was happily married - but his wife wasn't."
- Victor Borge
"A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished."
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
"I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks." — Steve Martin
"I don't remember, you looking any better... But then again, I don't remember you."
- John Mayer, 'Who Says'
"You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you’re married to a couch that burps." - Roseanne Barr
"Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties." — Jules Renard
"If love is the answer, could you please re-phrase the question?"
- Lily Tomlin
“Surely Sylvia swims!” shrieked Sammy surprised. “Someone should show Sylvia some strokes so she shall not sink.”
"You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale." — Hussein Nishah