"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno