“A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.” - Jane Austen, 'Pride and Prejudice'
"Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn't show up on X rays, but you know it's there." George Burns
"Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties." — Jules Renard
"My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan."
- Leopold Fechner.
"Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings." — David Sedaris
"The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired." — Milton Berle
"It wasn't love at first sight. It took a full five minutes." Lucille Ball
"I asked my dad once, ‘How did you and Mum stay married for 33 years?’ And he said, ‘Well, we never wanted to get divorced at the same time.'"
- Gwyneth Paltrow
"When a man of forty falls in love with a woman of twenty, it isn’t her youth he is seeking but his own." — Lenore Coffee
"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love." — Albert Einstein
"Love thy neighbor—and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier." - Mae West
"The bravest thing that men do is love women." — Mort Sahl
"I love love, and I’m very hopeful and was raised on all the fairy tales everyone else had. I just noted that everyone’s mom was dead and real princesses get beheaded, so I just have a more realistic take on it."
- Amy Schumer
"Love is a lot like a toothache. It doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there."
- George Burns.
"People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy."
- Bob Hope
"There is nothing better for the spirit or the body than a love affair. It elevates the thoughts and flattens the stomach." — Barbara Hower
"What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds."
- Cindy Garner.
"True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked." — Erich Segal
"Love is being stupid together." - Paul Valery
"I went out with a guy once who told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, 'I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.'"
- Chelsea Handler
“I love you and I treasure you and ya bore me.” - Amy Santiago, 'Brooklyn Nine-Nine'
"I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?" Jean Illsley Clarke
"I don't remember, you looking any better... But then again, I don't remember you."
- John Mayer, 'Who Says'
“Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women; a little bit of support and a little bit of freedom.” - Jerry Seinfeld
"I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough." — Russell Brand
"True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen." — Francois de la Rochefoucauld
"Love is a two-way street constantly under construction."
- Carroll Bryant.
"Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby — awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess." — Lemony Snicket
"The happiest marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman." — Samuel Taylor Coleridge
"My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light." — Rodney Dangerfield
"Between lovers, a little confession is a dangerous thing." — Helen Rowland
"Oh, here's an idea: Let's make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine's Day. That's not weird at all." - Jimmy Fallon
"Alcohol may be man's worst enemy but the Bible says to love your enemy."
- Frank Sinatra
"Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it." — Phyllis Schlafly
"If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire."
- George Carlin
“The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone.” - Dolly Parton
"Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back. Now who's asking the questions?" — Jack Handy
"Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke." - Lynda Barry
"My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me." Garry Shandling
"I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks." — Steve Martin
"Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome."
- Oscar Levant
"The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby."
- Natalie Wood.
"You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale." — Hussein Nishah
"I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met."
- Steven Wright
"I wasn’t kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth." — Chico Marx
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship." ― Sharon Stone
"My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes." — Emo Philips
"Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener."
- Pauline Thomason
"Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position." — Christopher Marlowe
"There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments." - Chris Rock