"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe
"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigeratir are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all"- Joey Adams
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." - Doug Larson
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
“I tried every diet that was in the book, I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”
Dolly Parton
“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them." - Aldous Huxley
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
“Never eat more than you can lift.”
Miss Piggy
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
"You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, 'Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out.'"
- Jim Gaffigan.
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not." - Mark Twain
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.”
Sammie
"Some people would fall in or out of love with you if you lose or gain a few kilos."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow."
- Douglas Coupland
“The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money"
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." —Redd Foxx
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck
“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, its too far to walk back.”
Andy Rooney
"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back." - Richard Lewis
"I can sympathize with people's pains but not with their pleasures. There is something curiously boring about somebody else's happiness." - Aldous Huxley
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
"I only workout, because I really really like donuts."
- Unknown
"I've always enjoyed poor health." —Taylor Caldwell
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
"When future archaeologists dig up the remains of California, they're going to find all of those gyms, their scary-looking gym equipment, and they're going to assume that we were a culture obsessed with torture."
- Douglas Coupland
“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much..."
– Lazar Angelov
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
“Fond of doctors, little health, Fond of lawyers, little wealth.”
Proverb