“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
“A pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.”
― Jet Paacal
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
– Marilyn Wann
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans."
— Ronald Reagan
“Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you!”
— Tom Smothers
“I thought I’d become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.”
― Chelsea Handler
“I thought about losing weight once, but I don’t like losing.”
― Unknown
"Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."
— Mark Twain
“Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.”
― Unknown
“Love and sausage are alike. Can never have enough of either.”
— Trixie Koontz
"I'm not sure how the average American would differentiate National Dessert Day from any other day."
– Andy Borowitz
"If I hold a can of soda up to my ear and listen carefully, I can hear my bones pleading for a glass of milk."
– Bridger Winegar
"In these difficult times, when so many people are having trouble finding enough to eat, we are extending the “five-second rule” to a full ten seconds."
– Ron Piraro
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
— Will Rogers
“Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.”
― Unknown
"Your diet is a bank account. Good food choices are good investments."
— Bethenny Frankel
“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”
― Unknown
“I didn’t get this physique by not eating tacos.”
― Jon Tester
“Swiss cheese differs from Camembert by better ventilation.”
― Unknown
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
– Rita Rudner
"I'm not sure what makes pepperoni so good if it's the pepper or the oni."
— Ulrik Stephens
"Anything is good if it's made of chocolate."
— Jo Brand
"After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations."
— Oscar Wilde
"Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It's made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!"
— Roald Dahl
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook."
— Julia Child
“There’s no “we” in ice cream.”
― Unknown
"We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie."
– David Mamet
"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do."
– P. J. O’Rourke
“Every day is National Donut Day if you put your mind to it.”
― Unknown
“Being a couch potato is dangerous, someone may get hungry and eat you!”
― Unknown
"When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half-eaten sandwich."
— Violet Matters
"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown
"Popcorn for breakfast! Why not? It’s a grain. It’s like, like, grits, but with high self-esteem."
– James Patterson
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift
"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."
— Jim Davis
"I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon."
— Ellen DeGeneres
"When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, 'Four. I don't think I can eat eight."
— Yogi Berra
"Never trust a skinny cook."
– Iain Hewitson
“If you know how many cupcakes I’m holding behind my back I’ll give you both of them.”
― Unknown
"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
— Barbara Johnson
“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.”
― Erma Bombeck
"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces."
— Judith Viorst
“Unless you are a pizza, the answer is yes, I can live without you.”
― Bill Murray
“Love means never having to say “Should we get dessert?”
― Unknown
"Snack time heals all wounds."
— Bridger Winegar
“I believe it’s a cook’s moral obligation to add more butter given the chance.”
― Michael Ruhlman
"I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food."
– Erma Bombeck
“Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.”
― Unknown
"I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food."
— W.C. Fields
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt."
— Charles M. Shulz