"Calming the mind is yoga. Not just standing on the head."
- Swami Satchidananda
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
"Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed." — Albert Einstein
“A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.” - Jerry Seinfeld
“My daughter just lost her first tooth, which is a very sweet moment for a dad. In retrospect, I do regret punching her so hard in the face.”
- Alan Cox.
“The problem with winter sports is that – follow me closely here – they generally take place in winter.”
-Dave Barry
“Money doesn’t solve all problems but it could solve my money problem.” – Anonymous
“When going on a vacation, I wish I could load my wallet with money as much as I can overpack my luggage.”
"Love is blind; friendship tries not to notice."
— Otto von Bismarck
"Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway."
― Robert Downey Jr.
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
- Terry Pratchett.
“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.”
– Charles Schulz
“Is it snowing where you are? All the world that I see from my tower is draped in white and the flakes are coming down as big as pop-corns.” — Jean Webster
"Between men and women, there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship."
- Oscar Wilde
“If you owe the bank $100 that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.” -JP Getty.
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
“You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time... Husband!” —Bill Maher
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”—Erma Bombeck
"We travel, initially, to lose ourselves, and we travel, next to find ourselves."
- Pico Iyer
"I sent the club a wire stating, 'Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.'"
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
"An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field."
~ Niels Bohr
“It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children."
~ Alan Alda
"Children are a great comfort in your old age- and they help you reach it faster too." – Lionel Kauffman
"If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools."
- Katherine Mansfield
“A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.”
Graham Norton
“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”
– Mark Twain
"Between lovers, a little confession is a dangerous thing." — Helen Rowland
"The dumbest people I know are those who Know It All."
– Malcolm Forbes
"Mom Pro Tip – If you’re old enough to critique what I put in your lunch, you’re old enough to make it yourself." – Unknown
"Motherhood – when 90% of your time is spent putting other people’s crap away." — Anonymous
“My husband and I have never considered divorce… murder sometimes, but never divorce.”—Dr. Joyce Brothers
“Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.” - Steven Wright
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“Hiking—much like drinking—is something that sounds more fun to the uninitiated than it actually is.” – Mindy McGinnis
"The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time."
― Joe Girard
“Parenting is a constant battle between going to bed to catch up on some sleep or staying awake to finally get some alone time.” — Anonymous
“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”—Charles Yu
“Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.” —Jean Kerr
“A best friend is someone who, when they don’t understand, they still understand."
— Nancy Werlin
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees, and he told me about the butcher and my wife.” – Rodney Dangerfield
“When I was young, I loved summer and hated winter. When I got older I loved winter and hated summer. Now that I’m even older, and wiser, I hate both summer and winter.” — Jarod Kintz
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
“When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.”―Helen Rowland
“The only clubs I’m interested in are sandwiches.”
― Unknown
“I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.” — Clarence Darrow.
“If the winter is too cold and the summer is too hot, you are not a hiker.”
The church is prayer-conditioned. -- Anonymous
“The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother—and they will settle for a puppy every time.”—Winston Pendelton
“I’ve never met an animal I didn’t like, and I can’t say the same thing about people.”
- Doris Day.
"Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them." - Aldous Huxley