What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.