I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.