Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
You’re my heartthrob.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
I have a heart-on for you.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
I can heartly wait to see you again.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
I lub dub you with all my heart.