I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
All farts...are laughing gas.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.